All These Rooms

woke up 6 am

said no to work

no to contact lenses

no to coffee

with or without sugar

I just don’t want it

said no to my mother my father

and my uncle

no to the children I have not had yet

and my friend’s children

and “how cute they are when they’re

sick and cranky and need to be held”

said no to giving blow jobs

for nothing in return

but fives minutes of bad sex

and him asking me if I’ve come yet

and I’m too annoyed

to even say no

to $800 dollars a month for a cardboard box

no to the idea of calling my other job

and begging them

to let me pick up a shift

because I feel like a loser

for taking a day off

to be alone

I stepped out the door

into the bruised morning

and looked at the street

then I sat down on the curb

and when I felt

the urge to say no to the old woman

bending over to pick up the paper

in her pink spandex

I told myself to shut-up

and listen to the  train shaking the

framework of my apartment

and the sound of the sun

as it rose above

the little tree

with the magenta flowers

that flutter

every  time a car drives by