Agency
Our gasoline held to everything - his sister’s dress
and grass, snails in the pond - within the smell of things burning
even the air disappeared. But I can hardly see
the blank fields anymore
for the earth has no memory
and cannot refuse to grow.
Generation
Incredible stillness a scene suddenly mute
no cicadas left for no trees remained -
no humming sound inside the grove.
Beneath a crab scuttling across the face of the moon
lovers - their faith in the tangible
world, in delight
from the smell of rain - is something I can almost understand.
For I inherited their world
and I remember nothing.
Etiquette
Surrendered life inside my mouth -
small fish, her father’s gift
to me, the company of his only - white flesh,
grey skin, ginger, and peppercorn - undoing -
history, language, luck - everything
except one body becoming another.
Nearly all life is compassionate
in this way - selflessly shifting
form, even the hillside
where we now sit, where my people
might have continued killing your people
if winning were possible. Then in your mother’s hand
no ripe pomello
like a green rising sun and in your father’s
heart no daughter
with laughter like a sparrow -
her small body holding court
among the drunk gods.
Tender are the ghosts
who humor our ruin
by remaining outside of this room.
6 responses so far ↓
1 Natalie // Jun 22, 2008 at 10:34 pm
i love the last stanza. it’s simple. it’s direct. it fucking rocks. the whole poem, in a way, seemed like a warm up for this closing. i think it can stand on it’s own.
mac, what do you think?
2 Natalie // Jun 22, 2008 at 10:39 pm
wow. i’m a fucking idiot. or else i’m just tired because it’s 1:30 in the morning. i just realized that there are three separate sections w/in this poem, or three inter-related poems. now it all makes a lot more sense and the whole thing reads very well, not jsut the last part. okay.
duh, natalie.
3 mackenzie // Jun 25, 2008 at 9:50 am
I’m stewing on it. So much going on here…
4 mackenzie // Jun 28, 2008 at 5:20 pm
I think I follow everything well here, the only part that seems to come from left field is the crab scuttling across the moon. The rest is very precise. The tercets are interesting, they almost dissolve into haiku toward the end. If I’m reading it right, maybe consider napalm or agent orange in place of gasoline because that sets the context real quick. The first couple of times I was baffled because I was thinking of little kids burning someone’s clothes on a hill. I like this shit tons.
5 Liz // Jun 29, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Thanks for all of the comments. I thought about using Napalm instead of gasoline but thought that it went for the jugular too quickly or something…. I will reconsider. Also the “mini titles” …”agency etc are ment to be offset. I am wondering if you guys think they do well to direct the reading of each stanza. Are any of the three working better than the others… alos is there just plain too much going on? SHould it be a longer poem or many seperate poems….????
6 mackenzie // Jul 1, 2008 at 9:58 am
I think the poem works as is. But I was thinking about the minititles. I wonder if they’re the right words. I like how they break up the poem into separate parts, but I wonder if there are better words, maybe something from the sections like: memory, understand, humor. Simpler words maybe, but that’s always my preference.
And this line felt off: Incredible stillness a scene suddenly mute.
I like the sentiment, I just want to see it more, I have a hard time picturing a scene.
Also I agree napalm just seems too overbearing to start with, maybe change the title to help place the poem a little faster? But ye, I like it alot, I think it’s really working at the length it is now.
You must log in to post a comment.