All These Rooms

3 responses so far ↓

• 1 mackenzie // Aug 27, 2008 at 12:45 pm

  I’ve been reading this every day since you put it up and only now just realized what I had to say about it. I like the poem as proverb, and I like the unexpected turns: telling your tongue to do something, the sun being bitter. But for some reason it wasn’t working for me, despite liking the sentiment. I think it hinges on the lines “the bitter glances/ of the sun.” I think you need more here, something more specific, trim, but a more specific image.
  how is new york treating you? and the shotgun trip cross country?
  I’m all sick, I just sat down at the library, and I’m having that nasuiating floating feeling, like the rest of my body is floating around my brain or vice versa. eekk

• 2 worsty // Sep 18, 2008 at 7:56 am

  i agree, the basic idea is interesting and worth it. something about it strikes me as off though– i mean, i have this feeling that this poem would be amazing if it were more aphoristic. maybe instead of an imperative make it plain indicative… statement of ‘truth’…and in that way it could be “more specific, and trim” like mac said.

• 3 Natalie // Sep 21, 2008 at 4:43 am

  worsty thanks for the comment. what do you mean by “plain indicative”? i’m not really up on my philosophical terminology. well i guess i could look it up in the dictionary. thanks again!

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