she is an emaciated leech
who slid down to the toenail of an economy,
sucking and slurping.
they hung her and mutilated and burned her.
the mouth of a savior
with human teeth,
masticated, pulverized and
swallowed her into the lord.
a tongue:
not just for rhetoric, but passing food
back and forward in nashing jaws.
whispering it was her fault for exciting their intrest,
screaming harlot as they rape her…
or she shoulda got a man way back before she was a slut.
either way it is her fault,
they rest that on her like a boulder to crack her contempt.
then they ask our thanks for their mercy.
it is given with downcast eyes,
like thanking a cop for not beating you.
her swaying tattered beauty,
a languid tree branch in a translucient dress.
thin and solmn, with ferocious eyes in a soft face
old with knowing too much for a young girl,
living too hard for a godess.
too proud to fight the whore they’ve hung on her
and falls in love only rarely.
saying passively after a kiss,
“never tell the guys you’re in love with a skank.”
they can rub their weeners into a rage,
cursing the world beyound the bar,
reestablishing their dominance over and over.
“I’ll wear my tarnished reputation as a babge
before desiring their nonexistent affection.”
Some people love being poor and dirty and destitude.
yes we are tramps and fools. we are groping the world
for reckless secrets and exhilaration.
you molest innocence’s young, firm body,
then discredit it and destroy it.
turning up incensed to snarl at your own reflection.
we’ve seen this.
she is silent.
I’ve known her many times, I cherish her sin.
it is a powerful grace.
Your jealousy is understandable, it’s still unjustified.
compared to love.
2 responses so far ↓
1 nathan // Dec 22, 2009 at 10:58 am
sorry about the double spacing and punctuation. didn’t mean to submit yet. still figuring shit out
2 mackenzie // Dec 26, 2009 at 9:06 pm
I know you didn’t mean to submit this yet but you haven’t put up another draft so I thought I’d throw something back at you.
I feel like this starts at “either way it is her fault.” I’d drop contempt from the next line, that should come across in the imagery more, that is to say maybe try an image of contempt rather than the word.
Translucent, no i in there, probably a typo but I’m just saying.
I’d suggest, “old with knowing too much” and drop for a young girl.
badge not babge.
I like this,
“Some people love being poor and dirty and destitute.” I should wear a sign with this on it so more people can understand me.
This is strong where there’s clear imagery, especially when talking about the girl. I get a bit lost in the pronouns though, for a while it’s she and they and then I and we but the only person I have a clear sense of is the her because it’s grounded in the description early on. And I’m super interested in the girl, who she is, what she’s about. The rest I’m a little more unsure of. I want to know more about why she’s a leech etc, some images around what the world has done to her.
This is going places, let’s see the next draft.
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